Brutal Honesty

I've had to be brutally honest with myself the past few weeks. Since Lila was born, I've been riding a high. Telling myself I can do it all. I can have a wife-mind, mother-mind, and career-mind all at the same time. And do everything well. And on time. And in an organized, clean fashion.

Well.

I can't.

I mean, I can.

It just doesn't look like I thought it would.

My house is less clean than it has been in years. Because spending time on the floor with Lila or cuddling in the chaise with Nate is more important.

I used to pride myself on only having a meal once a month. We now have spaghetti more than once a month. Because reading a book to Nate or playing airplane with Lila is more important.

I don't hop right up when we are finished eating dinner to clean up the kitchen like I used to. Because spending those few extra minutes talking to Scott about our days is more important.

My middle of the night stress doesn't involve thinking about work anymore. Because thinking about making the best decisions for our kids and our household are more important.

So I can do it. It's just not how I thought I could do it. And there are things about my house that drive me insane. But we'll get through it. And some day, there won't be Legos to pick up or dirty bibs to wash. And that will make me sad.

So for now, instead of being mad that there is PVC pipe in my bathtub when I step in at 6:00 in the morning, I'll just smile about Nate playing with them in the bath the night before. Because he won't do that forever. And that's more important.